Still asking “How are you?”

Dec 3

5 better ways to start meaningful conversations to foster a wellbeing culture

One of the first things we learn as health coaches is to stop asking “How are you?” to our clients. Simply showing genuine interest in the person by initiating the conversation with questions that spark positive emotions. And not just for the sake of asking. Really meaning it. Like what fascinated them, what gave them joy and for what in their life they feel grateful right now.

When you allow this initial positive space, you’ll set a different tone for the rest of the conversation, establish trust, and facilitate change talk - You’ll support the wellbeing of those we’re working with and contribute to building a culture of wellbeing in your environment by simply going beyond superficial levels. I know it’s a hard habit to break but I invite you to get creative and drop some of the most commonly used words “How are you?” which don't have real meaning in our vocabulary today.

Why?

The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions by Barbara L Fredrickson supports this and mentions that if you increase positive emotions including joy, interest, contentment and love you have wider picture thinking, and you broaden your repertoire in building resiliency and responding to events.

So, how can you help create more “human” wellbeing check-ins at work? What does that look like in practice?

What?

Next time you talk to your colleague or client, either 1:1 or in a meeting, pause for a moment and ask these check-in questions instead of “How are you”?

Regular check-in: “Oh, it’s great to see you, what’s new and good?” or “Anything good has happened to you lately?”
Reflection: “What gave you joy this morning/today/ in this project?” or “How was the experience of doing “X”?”
Present: “Tell me, what are you most curious/excited about today?” or “What inspires you to focus on/work on/participate in “X”?
Forward-looking: “Any exciting things coming up for you?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?”
After vacation/weekend: “What positive spirit did you bring back from your vacation?” or “Anybody want to share wellness wins from last weekend?”

How?

Most of us need to feel heard and seen and our attentiveness is the biggest gift we can give to people. People are bored tired of fakeness. Show genuine interest, encourage excitement and a sense of wellbeing. You want to be fully authentic, kind and present while doing so. No multitasking e.g., texting others while engaging in a conversation. It’s simply a no-go.

When?

The potential use of this practice is endless. Here are just a few examples. You can practice this anytime when you:

start your regular team meeting
chat with your colleagues by the beginning or end of the week
check-in after vacation
moderate as a workshop starter activity
conduct your 1-1’s with your team members
facilitate yearly goal and development conversations

Use this opportunity to spark positive emotions in people and build meaningful connections with your colleagues at work. It all starts with how we communicate and care for each other.

Which question will you use this week? What other wellbeing check-in questions can you think of? Share in the comments!

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